"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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