At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
