I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I enjoy the company of your penis
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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