I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Randomize
