Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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