Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
