i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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