I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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