Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
