I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
