Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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