She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
