I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
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The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
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I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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