my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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