Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
