don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
