great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
