Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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