so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
