Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
