god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
