Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
you inspire me to be a worse person
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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