so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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