Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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