Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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