I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
