just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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