If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
