But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
my being single is dangerous.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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