Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
