My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize