so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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