if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
