he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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