the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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