I look better un-naked...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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