theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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