Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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