I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I stole a fireplace last night.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
