proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
