He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
