I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
