My cat gives me a boner
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize