im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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