I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
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He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
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The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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