we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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