hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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