jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
