she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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