My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
