Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
