I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
A bitchslap is in order.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize