Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
it's like heaven, but drunker
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
