I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
