I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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