puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
