I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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