Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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