Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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