he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
