Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
