I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
