6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
did you just send me my own nude
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
