dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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