I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
