...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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