Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
