Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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