3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
People in love make me want to vomit
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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