I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
