We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
