Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
