He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
