I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
