Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
