did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
