I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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