I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
