I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
