My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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